Idea for a Conceptual Art Project, No.22:
1. Buy an old Remington typewriter, paper, and plenty of carbon-copy sheets.
2. Write a letter of application to the National Ballet of Canada's apprentice programme (sponsored by RBC). Mail it directly to the Artistic Director of the company.
3. Tell them that you are 38 years old, you cannot touch your toes, you are slightly overweight, your joint flexibility is poor, your breathing stamina is spotty, your weak upper body strength prevents you from lifting other dancers, and your overall body expressivity is generally restrained and uninteresting.
4. But tell them that you have an athletic background which allows you to readily grasp new motor skills. Tell them you will work very hard to overcome any deficiencies between yourself and the other dancers.
5. For the requested photo, attach that picture of you doing Natarajasana during yoga class — you know, the pose you're not very good at. It sort of looks like ballet.
6. In case you are unsuccessful in your first application, submit a new letter the following year. Update vital statistics accordingly.
7. Re-apply annually until either: a) you are successful, or b) seven years following your ddddeath.
8. Share all project correspondence with Sophie Calle upon completion.